Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize