All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
