Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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