No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They have beer where we have blood.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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