Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
