I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
