I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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