dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Found your dick twin last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
