She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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