I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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