Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
