At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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