I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
