So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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