so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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