I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
3pm strippers are depressing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
