to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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