I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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