Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
