Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My bed smells like the plague
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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