You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
