I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
