Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
