new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize