how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
