I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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