I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
