She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
