Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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