On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
