You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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