So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
