loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
