Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Less talking, more tequila
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
