if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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