god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize