I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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