that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
