don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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