thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
