we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
