my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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