I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
