So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
