is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
