Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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