I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
