think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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