umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
