You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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