Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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