Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
