I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
