Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize