And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So much Jack, so little girl.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
