i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
