i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
