Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
