I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
