apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
ok first of all what the fuck
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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