you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
