haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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