If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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