i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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