so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize