Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
