woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
